Sorry, But I'm Not Really Sorry

Sorry is one of my least favorite words. It’s abused, misused, and it’s underused. Thus, it is highly misunderstood. Frankly, I hear it too often and don’t hear it enough. I blame my HR training for this_but in a good way.

Follow me as I complain about the word, "sorry".

Abused

Two weekends ago, my partner and I were sitting at the bar of a nice restaurant eating dinner. I was approached by another patron who asked, “would it be rude if I asked to take the bar stool next to you, move it over to the other side of you, and for you, and your friend to move your bar stools down, so my friend and me can sit together?”

Bamboozled by the lengthy request, I thought three things: why are you asking us, when we have multiple plates to move, and other patrons can just move their drinks? Why does she want to move the bar stool, when what she wants is for us to shift over? And why in God’s name is she saying, “Sorry, thank you” over and over in that sing-songing innocent-whining tone?

The one thing I didn’t think at the time was, yes, it would be rude. In fact, it was rude. And no matter how many times or how innocent the sorry was stated, there was still the impression that there was no remorse. In this case, saying sorry was a ruse to act like there was no other course of action, when in truth it was to manipulate.

Misused

A couple of months ago, I took personally some heavy handed comments written to me about my use of Google+. The commenter was a respected colleague and made an apology online with the excuse that the written word doesn’t have the nuances of conversation. Ironically, that didn’t prevent the apology from being written. Obviously there was no concern over any possible failings that time.

This is where a telephone comes in handy, or any version of voice contact. Would I have appreciated a phone call from this person who I assume still has my phone number? Yes. Even if was misplaced, my number is publicly easy to find. One quick sound of that person’s voice would have salved over ever lasting bad impressions.

Putting a sorry in writing is permanent. But sometimes making it permanent makes it worse.

Underused

Early on in my training as a young HR newt, I was taught to be careful when saying sorry. It was instilled in me to never say “sorry” when terminating or disciplining an employee. If for any reason those actions land you in court, and you admit to having said sorry, a lawyer is going to ask, "why are you sorry? If it was a reasonable action on your part Mr HR Guy, why did you say you’re sorry?" Hence, I was taught to say sorry only if you're responsible.

Consequently, I am careful to say, “I’m sorry” unless I truly feel it. Sometimes it’s an automatic response when I interrupt someone, or physically bump into someone, or when I realized I stopped listening to someone talking to me. But those are automatic responses to unintentional rudeness. Plus, I am sorry.

Other than that, I don’t believe in saying “sorry” unless it is truly meant. Otherwise, it is as incidental as saying “bless you” when someone sneezes. I know it’s considered polite by today’s standards to say, "bless you". But saying “bless you” doesn’t prevent the evil spirit you sprayed out of your nose from returning. Chances are your body needs no additional help after a sneeze.

Much like “bless you”, saying “sorry” by today’s standards is a polite incidental. It's so incidental and common in speech that it has as much weight and significance as "and" or "the". If you don't believe me, listen for "sorry" from others and yourselves. Then question, was it truly meant, or just superfluous language?

Sorry To Say

It's not that every word we utter has to be profound or pinpoint precise in meaning. Sometimes, we shift language patterns depending on the audience. What I'm striving for is overall genuineness, especially for those in HR (considering this is an HR blog). It keeps our communications clear, our intents away from misunderstandings, and it doesn't clog our ears with useless words.

I'm sorry to say that sorry doesn't always create genuineness. Sorry, but I'm not really sorry. Sorry is a sorry word. See what I mean?

Read more

HR Takes The Bitterest Pill

Occasionally something at work will cause distress. Sometimes it's an avoidable mistake that catches the attention of your boss. Sometimes it's an unintentional visceral reaction that breeds regret. Sometimes it's an erroneous accusation that puts one in a defensive position.

Even though all three are annoying situations, only the third one is beyond one's control. Sometimes this can be difficult to swallow. Depending on the gravity and circumstances behind the accusation, one could feel distrust for colleagues, a need for revenge, or an overall lack of faith in human beings. This can happen to every level of employees, even HR.

However, it is with great dexterity that excellent HR folks endure in a constant professional manner. We must overlook the trespass of others. We must keep an even-keeled emotional level. We must understand the human dynamic and realize that one person's perception at a given point in time will not always be in alignment with ours. If we don't, how much damage does it create?

I wonder sometimes when I read about common law cases involving employers and employees, how involved was HR in the decisions that were made that put the organization in this situation? Employees seek litigation because they have the resources of time and money (and legal assistance). But I think most are willing to part with the time and money because they maintain a level of anger or sadness that they can't release.

Given that HR folks are human too and susceptible to the same heightened levels of anger and sadness, is this where the mistakes start? If HR was involved in the decisions, was it because he or she was bitter and derisive? Was he or she maladjusted and acting out of spite?

Unfortunately humans are naturally wired to look for the bad in situations and react accordingly. We have to work through the fight-or-flight response to find the good. Yet it is this ability that sets us apart from other animal species. We can rationalize and subsequently forgive and progress. We can create civilizations.

Without the resource of humans, civilizations can't be created. Hence, HR has to be at it's best and has to take the bitter pill. Otherwise, we're just a bunch of animals.

Read more

Captainess Of Your Own Ship

As a gay man, I am often confused by the notion of striving for equal rights. It's not the equal part that is confusing. It's the striving.

On one hand, there is a need to identify with a cultural brand, e.g. gay. On the other hand, there is a quest for rights that everyone else has. With that, is also a quest for opportunities, and the subsequent success and power that others possess.

These two forces contradict each other. For example, I noticed when reading about a Mr. Gay America pageant, one of the organizers alluded that if straight females can do it, so can we.

My response, is why do you want to take your unique culture and mirror it against another? Does this create equality or does it create following? If it’s following, is this disguised abdication?

Giving the benefit of the doubt, perhaps there are no original ideas to create or original identities to own. Hence, outside of discriminating factors, such as sexual orientation, race, religion, color, or genetic indicators, we are all human with the same needs. Therefore, all notions of equality are universally the same. If this is the case, then there is no box to break out of outside of the one we create for ourselves. If this is true, then it does not matter what discriminating trait you carry. Each of us individually has to strive for equal rights and opportunities on our own terms. Each of us decides our own definition of success and power.

This comes to mind because a few weeks ago I was asked to read the manifesto, The 6 Rules Women Must Break In Order To Succeed, (Flynn, Heath, Holt, 2011) and to write my thoughts on it for the website, Women Of HR.  After reading it, I felt a little confused. I couldn’t escape the notion that their definitions of power were built upon structures of power already in existence, and success was based on having more power. Also, it seemed the very structure they claim is holding them back, is the same one they want to embrace. Thus, I found instead of creating truly new rules, they were suggesting to follow rules already in place.

I don’t disagree with the six rules for someone seeking their definition of power. However, I had difficulty not applying their rules to anyone who was seeking this power regardless of whether they were women or men. I agree, for example, one should not “focus on everyone else”, or “expect hard work to be enough”, or “fall into extreme thinking.”

However, I do think the rules are limiting. I am not one to tell someone else what success or power is. Both of these are individual choices. Hence, my negative criticism of the manifesto is of the narrow band of which success is defined. I read nothing that illuminated the internal beauty of feeling free to choose your own level of success. For me, that is when true power comes into play.

Frankly though, I was hoping to discover some true insights into some different rules for women. I was hoping it would resemble this quote from Alison Maitland, co-author of "Why Women Mean Business" when she said, "We shouldn't be fixing the women but the system." Thus, before reading the manifesto, I was anticipating something iconoclastic like rock music singer, Patti Smith. Instead, I was left with Pat Benatar. Neither bad. Simply, one was the captainess of their own ship and broke the rules; the other one was a captive of the ship, and followed the rules.

To me, if you wish to truly create new rules: take charge of yourself, create your own definitions of success and power, and be the captain of your own ship.

Pat...

or Patti...

You choose.

Read more

Failing The SPHR Test

Every once in a while, I go off the rails. I stop returning emails. I stop returning phone calls. I stop blogging. I stop connecting. I become overly focused on something I committed to doing and I do not think I can put the energy any where else. 

Generally these periods last a few days, mostly because of work commitments. Other times, it is because I'm in a bad mood and just want brain silence.

This last round lasted for several weeks as I studied for my SPHR* test. Fortunately for me, I was able to borrow my colleague's two-year old copy of the SHRM Learning System to study. Unfortunately, I had to spend every available waking minute reading nothing but pages from this encyclopedia.

No one put a gun to my head to do this. But I still felt I had to study. I committed myself by paying to take the test (along with the late registration fee), by scheduling a testing time, and telling too many people it was happening. I told myself I could not fail.

The sad part is I had already failed.

I failed as soon as I gave HRCI my credit card to pay for the test. I failed because I had no interest in taking the test outside of "I told myself I could not fail." I failed because I wanted to add an "S" to my current certification, because some of my peers had it, and I thought it would make me look more important to strangers. I failed because it was for my ego.

However, as I got about three days away from the test date, something wonderful happened to me. My ego took a backseat and let my rational brain take the steering wheel. I no longer cared if I failed the test. I became content with all of the time I spent burrowing my head into HR minutiae. I realized because of the large amount of time I have spent the past couple of years with the nuances of HR, I forgot how to define the basics. All of these hours, days, weeks of studying starting coming together and I finally started to re-learn (and learn) the basics.

No HR person knows it all. But learning and knowing more, as the HR professional I profess to be, is invaluable. It's invaluable for me, for the organizations that employ me, and for the employees that I service.

As I look back on the past weeks and the test I took yesterday, there is no way of knowing how much the weeks of studying, or the weeks of having no desire to take the test, or the last minute epiphany played in my successful passing of the exam. All I know is this:

• I'm glad I spent the time studying. But I'm glad it's over. I feel like I have my life back.
• I hope I never do anything like this again for my ego.
• If I ever do, hopefully it won't be as time-consuming and/or expensive.

So, yes, you heard right. I did pass.

Not everyone does though. I think only 60% of test takers pass. So good luck to all those scheduled to take the exam this month, and during the next testing period. If you want some advice, here are some of my personal tips:

1. Study, duh.
2. Eat right; Exercise regularly; Cut back on alcohol, sugar, and salt; Get plenty of sleep; Brush your teeth; Don't invite unnecessary stress into your life and work. None of this will help you in HR or on the test. But it will help you feel better in general.
3. Ignore all family and friends, and any other commitments you made, except for work. Sure it will annoy some people. If they really love you, they'll get over it.
4. Stop studying. Go outside; Watch a movie; Listen to some Coldplay; Whatever. Just stop thinking. Your brain needs time to heal and relax from all of the stuff you are cramming in there.
5. Resist the temptation to take a nap during the test. It becomes tedious. Consider fueling yourself with your favorite stimulant. 
6. Learn something. Because no matter the outcome of the test, you won't have failed.

Now that all this craziness is over, I turn it over to the mighty Ozzy Osbourne. Here's to getting back on the rails...



*Senior Professional Human Resources

Read more

Carnival of HR: The Present Edition

I love a good present. For me, that means receiving something you want or need, without asking for it.

For example, when your boss says, "you're doing a good job." Or when a friend says, "you're important to me." These are gifts.

Receiving internal insights such as seeing the good in someone who did something bad. Or receiving a deep inhale of breath, exhaling and knowing you are grounded in the moment are also presents. They are where you right now.

Since presents, the gifts you receive and having the centered moments of being here now, are fun, I crafted this carnival to reflect these presents.

First, there are the bloggers who took the deep inhale of breath, exhaled and wrote about their present states.

Mervyn Dinnen's "My Year In Lists" from T Recs and Gareth Jones' "Merry Christmas" from Inside My Head both remind us that the lives we lead in the past make us who we are today.
Ian Welsh at HR Toolbox took the theme to heart and gave a spirited account of what his life is today.
And Naomi Bloom wants to know at the present time, "What Just Happened To The Talent Management Technology Spend" from In Full Bloom


Second were the bloggers who gave their writing to each of us, to guide us toward leading practices, and to help us reaffirm our roles. These folks gave us solid advice. Yet they gave us other gifts as well....

Laura Schroeder's "Good Management: How Do You Measure Up" from Working Girl is a gold engagement ring for "mediocre managers (who) need to evolve into leaders who can inspire people to give their best."

Doug Shaw's "My Prediction" from What Goes Around Limited offers up Rock'em Sock'em Robots for the year 2012. It's Rocky vs. the Recession! And the Recession is goin' down!

Linda Fisher Thornton gives us the jigsaw puzzle of "What Is Social Media Leadership?" from Leading In Context. What I want to know is why are there so many blue-sky pieces and why do none of them fit?

Cori Curtis' "Why Goofing Off At Work Is Good For Your Bottom Line" from Baudville added to the toys in my office. We are now the proud owners of a Ping Pong Set and Bananagrams. Let the games begin!

Cathy Missildine-Martin's "You Might Be A Strategic HR Professional If..." from Profitability Through Human Capital was a page from the playbook on how to play Wii "HR Professional". Once you get the hang of playing, you're good to go.

Susan Heathfield's "How to Develop Your Emotional Intelligence" from About.com Human Resources gave us the gift of our present state: a mirror. But this mirror is not for us to stare vainly at ourselves. This mirror is for us to pay more attention to our emotions.




Well, there you go folks. That's the last present to unwrap. Hope you enjoyed the carnival. Have a safe and enjoyable holiday season.

Read more

Coming to WTTO: Carnival Of HR: The Present Edition

Nick Drake "Hazy Jane I"

On December 21st, the Carnival of HR is making its last stop of 2011 at Welcome To The Occupation.

For this carnival, I am inspired by Oogway's wise words to Po, "There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the 'present'."*

Since the new year is upon us and it is typically a time to reflect on the past year's achievements and next year's potentials, I want to do something different.

For the carnival, bloggers have two choices. 

1) Send me a post about where you are right now. What is your current state in your job, at home, with family, with friends, your philosophies, your blog, a list of favorite foods, songs, or books. It doesn't matter. Tell me who you are today.

or

2) Send me a post not based on the above theme and I will determine what type of gift it is. Maybe it'll be a toy, like a slinky. Maybe it'll be a new pair of ruby slippers. Or maybe it'll be a pony. Of course, you can prevent me from labeling your post by sending me your own suggestion.

It doesn't matter which path you choose. Either one will be a gift.

Email submissions to pasmuz88@gmail.com by December 19.

*from Kung Fu Panda, Dreamworks, 2008

Read more

HR Tapping

"So you’re one of those,” said the flight attendant.

Tired and focused on claiming my favorite seat on the airplane, these words sounded blithe to me.

Apologetically, I mumbled about my favorite airplane seat as the flight attendant quickly removed her backpack from my desired seat and forced it behind the seat opposite me.

Feeling apathetic to her plight, I wondered if she perceived her comment as off-putting to me. I thought perhaps she did. Because soon after I sat, she heard my nasal congested sniffling and offered me a box of kleenex. I thought this was her mea culpa for her earlier sarcasm. Moments later when she brought me a vodka and orange juice and did not ask for money, I thought this was another mea culpa. That was dashed when she came back a half-hour later for my credit card.

Frankly, I have no idea what she was communicating to me.

But isn't life, and work, funny that way?

For instance, as an HR person, the policies I write are either too detailed for some people, or too short for others. Or I have included too many people in the loop, or I have left someone out. Or, I'm either too employee-focused, or too employer-focused. It is hard to always hit that middle-ground. It simply depends on the recipient's opinion.

It also depends on how well you are tapping.

I'm currently reading "Made To Stick" by Chip & Dan Heath, and they sited an interesting study about tappers and listeners.

"In 1990, Elizabeth Newton, a Stanford University graduate student in psychology assigned people to one of two roles: “tapper” or “listener.” Each tapper was asked to pick a well-known song, such as “Happy Birthday,” and tap out the rhythm on a table. The listener’s job was to guess the song.

Over the course of Newton’s experiment, 120 songs were tapped out. Listeners guessed only three of the songs correctly: a success ratio of 2.5%. But before they guessed, Newton asked the tappers to predict the probability that listeners would guess correctly. They predicted 50%. The tappers got their message across one time in 40, but they thought they would get it across one time in two. 

When a tapper taps, it is impossible for him or her to avoid hearing the tune playing along to their taps. Meanwhile, all the listener can hear is a kind of bizarre Morse code. Yet the tappers were flabbergasted by how hard the listeners had to work to pick up the tune.

The problem is that once we know something—say, the melody of a song—we find it hard to imagine not knowing it. We have difficulty sharing it with others, because we can’t readily re-create their state of mind."*

And this who we are as HR. We are tappers. 

We are not the only tappers in our organizations. However, we write detailed policies with acronyms of which we are most familiar. We are the ones that have to convince others there is a loop of people who need to know. 

We are the ones that have to tap to the employees, the employer song that's in our head. 
and
We are the ones that have to tap to the employer, the employee song that's also in our head.

Either way, it's not always easy to communicate. I know I fail sometimes. I like to think I succeed most of the time. I like to think the song I'm tapping is understood by all.

However, when I fail, I know to offer more than a box of kleenex. I buy them a drink too. Don't let me be misunderstood. I am speaking metaphorically, of course. 


*Text source: "The Curse of Knowledge" Chip & Dan Heath, HBR.org, December 2006

Read more

Negativity Is A Waste Of Time

Read the following couplets of sentences:

I can speak.
I can not speak.

I can write.
I can not write.

I am interesting.
I am not interesting.

Which one of the sentences in the pair took longer to read than the other?

It takes a second to add a “not” to your thoughts.

How many of those seconds could have been used thinking about something more constructive?

‘nuff said, this time.

Read more

#TNL and Alternative Lifestyles

On a flight to Chicago last Sunday, I did something I have never done before. I talked to the stranger next to me for the entire two-and-a-hour flight.

Perhaps it is a childhood fear, but I do not talk to strangers when there is no available exit in sight. This is especially true on airplanes because most conversation starters want to share their disgust with flying. Sorry folks. I like flying and I don’t care about your problems with it.

Nevertheless, on this recent flight, we waxed endlessly on the topics of workplace management, employee engagement, culture, assessment, the effects of leisure, neuroscience, and the book, “Flow”

From this conversation, came two memorable quotes from my companion.

“No offense, but you don’t talk like other HR folks.”

How could I take offense from that? I was proud that this gentleman with forty years in HR experiences put me in a category of exception. I made the point of saying I was on my way to meet up with similar folks in Chicago (#TNL) and I often travel to converge with my similarly natured clan.

The other quote was:

“I picked up on what you said before and I am OK with your alternative lifestyle.”

Knowing he was intending to be kind about my homosexuality in lieu of his heterosexuality, and because we’d already shared some laughs, I replied, “It’s not an alternative to me. And just so you know, I’m OK with yours too.”


Why I Am On Planes

In 2011, I traveled six times to points West and South from Philadelphia to converge with my HR clan at conferences. Three of those occasions were to attend an 'unconference' style conference, such as, Talent Net Live in Chicago last Monday.

I don’t enjoy everything about the 'unconference' style. However, I do like the organic nature of them. There is greater sensibility that knowledge is relative and relatedness is a key to learning. Plus, it keeps a keen eye on the nature of all of the participants.

People invest time in their conversations before, during and after an 'unconference'. As a result, some great relationships develop over the years.

Thinking of the warning words of John Jorgensen regarding echo chambers, I realize there is that risk. However, there is greater chance that the messages of empowerment streaming through these settings have a different impact. Instead of ‘unconference’ redundancy, we all return home and put into action ideas of improvement professionally and personally. We return to the next convergence brighter and challenging each other to go to the next levels of development.

Talent Net Live Challenges

Talent Net Live for me was about those challenges. Here is the highpoints of those challenges:

Me, given my first opportunity to present to experts in recruiting and HR, worked for weeks to ensure content and delivery were the best I could give.

Me, challenging said experts in my session to keep it simple, forget about internal engagement, and be smart about what you can control.

John Sumser posing the challenging notions of thinking locally in a global market.

Matt Charney challenging us to view social media outlets as a means to enhance your diversity and inclusion efforts.

Elizabeth Lalli-Rees challenging us to walk the fine lines between compliance, flexibility and realistic work/play balances* when developing social media policies.

Dan Arkind challenging us to operate the selection process more methodically and strategic. 

Jason Seiden with Craig Fisher challenging us to revise LinkedIn profiles in the simplest of ways to maximize the ability to truly connect on LinkedIn.

And Jason Seiden, alone, enlightening us to notions of profersonal. Reminding us all when we view life as the opposite of work, we’re associating work with death. This is why I’m now calling it *work/play balance.

What Alternative?

It is this notion that work is not death that lead me to think, perhaps I do have an alternative lifestyle.

• Because I assume most people view work as death, and I don’t, that’s an alternative lifestyle. 
• Because I think most HR people don’t utilize enough of their inherent power to influence change, and I do, that’s an alternative lifestyle. 
• Because I think most HR folks are content with their local network, but I am not and I travel frequently to be with my HR clan, that too is an alternative lifestyle.

Or are they?

Nevertheless, the great thing about alternative lifestyles is every once in awhile someone acknowledges it. Either they acknowledge you are not like everybody else, or they note their OK with your difference.

What's great is when you do not see it as an alternative lifestyle. You simply see it as your life.

Read more

Choosing "Talent Net Live"

Quite often, many of my thoughts are accompanied by song lyrics that I've heard over the years. The two that come to mind when I think about the concept of choice are the following:

“I hate this supermarket
But I have to say it makes me think
A hundred mineral waters
It's fun to guess which ones are safe to drink.
Two hundred brands of cookies
87 kinds of chocolate chip
They say that choice is freedom
I'm so free it drives me to the brink” - It’s All Too Much by Joe Jackson

or more succinctly,
“So many choices, it’s not fair.” - Always Saturday by Guadalcanal Diary.

As much as I love the imagery of staring blankly at a supermarket shelf with 87 kinds of chocolate chip, I am more akin to the second lyric. For the purposes of discussing the human dynamic and the billions of choices it offers, it holds more relevance for the business and HR world.

In many respects, it is simply how we are wired. As humans we live with two conflicting forces in our head:

1) The search for constant novelty. We love new stuff and we constantly want new stuff. New stuff makes us happy. It is the reason why car leasing is so popular or that cell phones have a two year life. These are not coincidences. Marketers know we love new stuff and that is why there is enormous amount of crap to buy and throw into a landfill soon after. But this conflicts with...

2) Our enormous need to create order out of chaos. Our brains are flinging thoughts at us all day so quickly, it is physically impossible to acknowledge them all. Because of this, there’s a possibility that at some point while you were reading this, your mind strayed a little. That’s OK. I am not offended. To tell you the truth, while I was writing this, my mind strayed toward Nutter Butters, Muncie, Indiana and Bob Scally. But my need for order brought me back to this post and my desire to express and complete my thoughts. Hopefully, your need for order brought you back to finish reading this.

The problem that can arise from this natural situation is to push too hard toward the need for order. Pushing too hard can result in an unrealistic view of the world in which we believe we can control things that are beyond our control. For example, people. Or to draw this down to a more manageable concept, people at work.

However, even 'people at work' is not a manageable concept.

Due to the hierarchical nature of the workplace where an authority figure reigns over others, it is highly likely that status relationships will develop. In other words, someone will have a higher status, creating a subservient role in the relationship. When the grade between authority and non-authority status becomes too high, this can resemble parent-child relationships where the former decides choices for others and the latter has all choices made for them.

The problem with this in the workplace is that workers are adults. They wish to make choices for themselves and create adult work relationships. They also understand there is a level of authority and accountability that exist in the workplace. Thus, workers do not desire anarchy. They desire realistic respect.

The challenge is how to create this type of work experience and integrate it into the workplace culture, and still maintain a level of authority and accountability. This challenge occurs at every level of the employee life cycle from the application process to the termination date. The challenge is worth facing because it leads to a workplace culture that attracts and retains talent. It also becomes a brand worth promoting.

Choosing #TNL

To discover more about these concepts and to discuss this with your peers is a choice you can make successfully for yourself. On December 5, I will be at Talent Net Live in Chicago, IL facilitating a session entitled, “Attracting and Retaining Talent Through Choice Management.”

Of course, you can choose not to attend my session. You can choose either John Sumser or a panel featuring Trish McFarlane, Crystal Miller and Bryan Wempen, all of whom have high HR-IQ’s. If you do choose to attend my session, we will be discussing concepts that take on the challenge of creating realistic workplace cultures, in turn, creating higher productivity, better retention and higher overall job satisfaction.

These concepts center around what I consider Choice Management which is a method of approaching the hierarchical system realistically and strives to create adult work behavior.

I know it seems like there are 200 conferences choices every year. Of which, 87 of will have savvy, intelligent HR people in attendance. And from that, the choices are not fair. However, it's an easy choice to attend TNL on December 5 in Chicago. It's in an 'unconference style' where it's easier to share your ideas and to network.

The cast of folks facilitating are some of the brightest and innovative thinkers on the subject of employer branding and talent sourcing.

Looking at the agenda, I know I'm going to learn a few things.

For me, that is always a choice that is easy to make.

Read more

Can't Sleep Through A Recession

A few weeks ago on a sunny Philadelphia Saturday or Sunday morning, I received a FourSquare notification that Frank Roche (of KnowHR fame) checked in at his place of work, IFractal. Since I was also at work myself, I saw this as an opportunity to take a break, jump on Twitter and acknowledge I was doing the same. Frank cordially responded back, "can't sleep through a recession." This caused me to do two things:

1) Write that down because it's a great title for a post.
2) Get back to work.

Since it was not the middle of the night, I assumed Frank was not commenting on insomnia. I did assume that he was busier than ever and he was not taking it for granted. That assumption led me to write it down because it described how I feel lately...busier than ever and not thinking of slowing down.

My job has ramped up considerably lately. This is not a complaint. I feel better that I am busy. I am fortunate that I love my job and our department is involved in some great things. Because I do not take it for granted, I put in the extra time.

I also know that jobs can fall apart quickly. Who knows when I will have to look for another one.

Thus, I am keeping up the blog because it keeps me thinking outside of my immediate self. I am also involved in local and national SHRM activities. I am reading more books lately (see previous post). I am working on public presentations for 2012. I also starting writing a book.

I do find time for sleep amongst all of this. To me though, work is a full-time occupation. I also think I am playing it smart.

Who else is not sleeping through the recession? What are you doing to play it smart?

Read more

There Is Bliss In Books

I remember a day when I received a newspaper on Sunday and spent hours reading it. Along with that, I would watch the political commentator shows. This was also at a time when journalists worked on television.  I guess they do now too. However, instead of journalists, television news appears to manned by shock-jocks and screaming marketers that do everything they can to get and keep an audience's attention.

This is what I want. Give me the news and shut up. Shut up so I can spend some quiet time processing what I saw and heard.

Unfortunately, we live in the Information Age now. There are televisions everywhere. They are in restaurants, lounge areas at work, elevators, gas pumps, our phones and our cars. If they are not showing sports, chances are they are showing the news. Even if it is sports or another show, there will be a ticker tape at the bottom with the latest headlines. Add in the Internet and the information comes at such a furious pace that it is physiologically impossible to process it all.

Add in new responsibilities or requirements in life and it becomes even harder to find succinctness when it is needed the most. For example, I need information on the constitutionality of the Health Care Reform bill, not information on Asston Kushner’s tweets on the Penn State scandal. Seriously, I need the lives of Asston, Justin Babar, and that Lohan person to NOT be more important than our own lives.

I know the easiest solution is to turn off the TV, computer and smart phone. However, that does not solve the problem. The problem is not the amount of information. The problem is the increase in the amount of information does not increase my intelligence. Thus, the solution is to find another source that is succinct, thoughtful and worthy of my time.  Hence, I have rediscovered books.

Since my rant about the modern age is complete and I am promoting succinctness, here is the meat of the matter.

Below are seven books that I’ve read this year. I have graded them as such:
*** Essential reading for HR / Business
**  Solidly good ideas are inside. It would be worth your time.
*    Not bad. Read if you have the time.

“Your Brain At Work” David Rock, 2009 ***
In the past 100 years we have learned an enormous amount about psychology. In the past 50, we have learned about how this applies to the workplace. But only in the past 10 to 15 years have we learned how the brain physiologically works in relation to the psychology. Rock does a great job of introducing Neuroscience using everyday work scenarios. I believe that if you’re in HR and you not becoming familiar with Neuroscience, you are missing the boat and you will be left behind.

“Delivering Happiness” by Tony Hshieh, 2010 **
I swore I was never going to mention Zappos on this blog. I refused to acknowledge the reports of their accomplishments within their culture. I am not sure when I drank the Zappos kool-aid and became a believer. But I’m glad I did. Hshieh’s book is admittingly not well-grammarized. But it’s quick, succinct and is full of great ideas on making positive changes to your work culture.

“StandOut” by Marcus Buckingham, 2011 *
I’m not a huge fan of personality tests such as Myers Briggs. They are interesting. However, even though the tests always come with the caveat that everyone shares all the traits at some point in time, I’ve seen people become too obsessed with them. Thus instead of building bridges of understanding, they create islands of distinction that do not allow for the human dynamic. “StandOut” is another type of personality tests. Thus, I didn’t dislike the book. It was interesting, but the content was not for me.

“Influence: Science and Practice” by Robert Cialdini, 2001, 2009 ***
I do not remember who recommended this book. But I’m glad they did. This is another essential read for HR folks. This dense and informative book explains the scientific reasons behind why such things as recriprocity, authority and scarcity are influential. Written in lay terms and with chapter summations for better learning, this book is full of those ah-ha moments.

“42 Rules for Your New Leadership Role” by Pam Fox Rollin, 2011 **
Short and to the point. Each role has its own chapter. Each chapter is no more than 2 pages long. It can be read in any order and it is packed with great hit-the-ground-running ideas. If you end up in a leadership role, no one tells you how to do it. Read this book and you won’t need anyone to tell you.

“Switch” by Chip Heath and Dan Heath, 2010 ***
This book is well-known and well-liked. After reading it, it is easy to see why. If you are attempting to create change, the Heath brothers make a simple case for acknowledging the Rider, the Elephant, and the Path. Manage all three and you are on your way. Read Hsieh’s book for cultural ideas and use this book to implement them.

“Good Company” by Laurie Bassi, Ed Frauenheim, and Dan McMurrer, with Larry Costello, 2011 *
Don’t mistake the one star for a bad book. The premise is there is financial gain for companies that act as good employers, good stewards, and good sellers. The authors make a strong case for this none of which escaped me. I, as a member of the choir, believe in this. However, the book misses on the emotional mark (or the “Elephant”) needed for the non-believers of this “hopefully idealistic vision.”

That is the lowdown of who has been in my head lately. Currently I am reading, “Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi which was recommended by my pal, Dr. Daniel Crosby. So far, it is excellent and I foresee it as essential reading for HR as well.

Above I mentioned I rediscovered books as a consequence of the Information Age. Feeling the need to qualify this and supply useful information, it was not as if I forgot books existed. I merely stopped looking to them for quality information. Gradually over the past ten years with the advent of the Internet, this became true.

However, with the constant din of noise from televisions and computers, I have rediscovered the great solace in books. Inside they are ethereal. Outside they are tangible. There are no advertisements or pop-ups, flashing lights, or hand puppets to distract. It is just me, someone else’s thoughts and my thoughts. Or to put it more succinctly, bliss.

Do you get bliss from books? Share the bliss and leave your book recommendations in the comments.

Read more

"Here's Something You Can Do Better"

There are a few things I think I do poorly. For one, I do not do well participating in group sessions at conferences. I do not like the artificial nature of hypothetical situations. I do not learn well from role-playing. I do not like pretending to be someone I am not. I call this interactive-group-phobia.

I also do not take very good written notes. Taking a great deal of notes does not help me remember what I need to remember. If it is good information, it will stick in the grey matter.  Chances are, if I take notes, I will not remember what I need to remember from the note. Sometimes the note makes absolutely no sense to me when I read it days later.

For example, I attended the Disability Mentoring Day at The Academy at Liberty Resources and I took a few notes.  Like most notes, most of them refer to a website for more information or it is a note to reach out to so-and-so because I need follow up information on such-and-such.

However, every now and then, there is a random note that I do not remember what the context is. In this case, the note says, “Here’s something you can do better.”

Notes like this give me the creeps. It is definitely my handwriting. Thus, it must be my thoughts. However, it lacks clarity, and standing alone, it looks like something Guy Pierce would tattoo on himself in the movie, Memento.

Better Get It Together

Taking a step back, the event I attended which spurred the note, was an incredible experience. Referred by a colleague, I signed up believing it was going to be more information gathering. After signing on, I soon realized it was not all a Sit-And-Listen-On-A-Monday-Morning-Talk-At-You-Kind-Of-Thing. That was part of it. However, most of it was interactive in the form of mock interviews. This, of course, induced a small interactive-group panic.

Academy House assists those with disabilities into the workforce. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to know their thoughts on how I could be a better HR person. When faced with the idea of helping Academy House and their students, I thought I had nothing to offer. I thought I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I discovered quickly the only thing that was wrong was my head.

In conjunction with The Sierra Group, the Academy House organized a thoughtful and helpful program. After a speech from Craig Ey, Editor of the Philadelphia Business Journal, on the local economy, all employers/HR folks were asked to sit on one side of the long tables in the conference room. All the students were asked to sit on the opposite side facing an employer/HR person.

Each HR person was provided with a list of mock questions with instructions to be as forthright and candid with their critiques. After which, we were instructed to fill out Evaluation Forms and rate them on voice tone, eye contact, posture, listening skills and general interview skills such as, length of answers.

I Should Have Known Better

The whole process was made very easy for the HR folks. The environment was conducive for interviewing, providing feedback and offering constructive thoughts. As a result, I had the opportunity of meeting two women who put forth amazing effort in learning more about the selection process. Their minds were open. They asked me great questions, seeking advice. They pushed themselves to improve their lives.

Watching that occur and playing a small part in their lives could be one of the most important things I have ever done.

After the event was over, I asked the CEO of The Sierra Group, Janet Fiore two questions.
“This was a great event. Are you partnering with the local SHRM chapter to get more local folks involved?”

The answer was, “Not yet. But I would love to.”

Thus, I say to all local HR folks who are looking to learn more about folks with disabilities and assisting them with integrating into, or back into, the workforce, I encourage you to reach out to The Academy. It is time worth spending.

My second question was, “What is the greatest thing holding employers back from hiring those with disabilities?”

“Fear. Fear that it won’t work out.”

I knew the answer would be fear. However, I was surprised by the implication and irony of the avoidance. Those with disabilities are avoided because if they do not work out, employers may have to terminate employment. If they have to be terminated, employers would most likely not proceed with the termination and choose to avoid facing the workplace issue that is cause for termination. Hence, the choice is to avoid the disabled all together.

There Is Always Better

I know the above is an over-simplified and over-judgmental version of what is occurring with employers. I don’t claim to know all of the practices of every employer. However, if it is slightly true, which I believe it is, there is a need for a greater understanding. Maybe in your region, there are resources like The Sierra Group or The Academy House. I bet if you seek, you will find. I bet too you will find they can be great resource for understanding.

For even self-serving reasons, it is worth understanding. Of all the protected groups, age is the only one that will happen to you unless you pass away early in life. The one that can happen to anyone is disabled.

I am still not entirely sure what my note, "here's something you can do better" meant. It could have been anything. For now, I know it is having a better understanding of the disabled, assisting when I can, and being a better advocate for the disabled in the workplace. I think I can do all of this better.

Read more

I'm Feeling Well, For Now

Last month, I re-pulled a muscle in my upper back, while I was sleeping no less. To expedite the healing, I swallowed a lot of Advil. According to my doctor, this may have caused a stomach ulcer. While at the HR Tech Conference, my stomach pain alleviated itself. But by the first day after returning home, I developed an annoying cough. This would result in coughing jags that would keep me up for hours for the next two weeks. Plus, I swear I pulled a muscle in my navel area as a result of the coughing. It's either that, or as the symptoms chart on the Mayo Clinic website suggests, my appendix is about to burst.

Other than that, I feel relatively well. (So you can put down the phone, Mom.)

Comparatively, when I wrote Wellness On My Mind in February, I did not view myself as the picture of wellness. My sleep was bad. I was not exercising as much. Plus, I had to buy a bunch of larger sized pants.  I swore to reverse this slippery slope because frankly, I did not think I was well.

Fast forward eight months later, I receive a note from one of my wellness heroes, Carol Harnett, asking if I still had "wellness on my mind" and suggested I write a follow-up post. After revisiting the original post, I realized two things.
1. Sadly, I remember writing the post. But I had forgotten what I said I would do, or what I was thinking at the time.
2. I was actually bothered enough in February to dedicate a post to my personal health concerns.

To my second point, I am fairly certain what bothered me the most was spending the money on buying new pants. To my first point, I was focusing on judging habits that I deemed lazy and on an appearance that was self-misconstrued.

More importantly, I was not focused on something more important and that was how I felt.

I had passed judgement on myself in terms of weight and stamina. I also viewed the future with fear. However, I never expressed if I felt well.

Ultimately, isn't that what's most important? But for me, it's what been missing from my conversations and research about wellness. There is much about weight loss, smoking cessation, blood pressure, physical measurements, gym memberships, apples in break rooms, workplace recesses, and the list goes on and on. For a long time, I did not think I subscribed to what I considered canned ideas on wellness. Yet, I found I was falling into the someone else's rhetoric and living within those realms.

My current thoughts are reflected in the people in this picture.

The guy on the right could have perfect cholesterol, blood pressure and glucose levels. He could be able to run a 9-minute mile, 30 chin-ups and 100 push-ups. He could live to age one-hundred cancer-free, diabetes-free, and heart-disease free. He could also be very content with his life, including his appearance and his work.

The guy on the left could be the exact opposite.

But none of that may matter, because they both may feel well.

Feeling well is where I am at today.  For the most part, I sleep enough hours. I eat good food and reasonably sized portions. I exercise when I feel like it. Sometimes I still ride my bike to work. Plus, all of the pants I bought in February are now too big for me.

Yet, I don't think any of those things are making me feel well. I believe it's a combination of many things. But these three stand out in my mind:

I Try Not To Succumb To My Environment.
Despite what others are doing around me, whether their actions are judged good or bad, I try to think first what's best for me.

There's a Mental Aspect To Health. 
In Alia Crum and Ellen Langer's 2007 study, when maids were presented with the notion that their physical work was healthy physical activity, and without changing any behaviors, they began to lose weight. Putting a positive spin on their activity prompted them to believe they were healthy.

Currently, I Lack Triggers
Before I started spending time working on writing, I went to the gym often. I had the trigger: after work, I'm going to the gym. Now there is no longer an "after work" period. I've scheduled my work on writing after my work at my paying job. Hence, I "work" a great deal of my waking hours. Of the three, the last may not seem like it's making me well. However, I realize if I want to go back to the gym regularly, I need to adjust some "work" time and create a trigger.

Still, this is all a big challenge on a personal level, finding the right elements to keep a balanced wellness. Feeling well is where I am presently. However, is it where I will be tomorrow? Or forever? Unlikely. It is no wonder, institutions are challenged on creating wellness for any group. For me, it is such a challenge on an individual level, that on a workplace level I question if it can be truly accomplished. It makes me throw my hands up, and say, "Oh, well."

So, tell me, how do you feel? Are you well?

Read more

Smile Like You Mean It

So there I was, perusing the Expo floor, mindfully absorbing all of the vendors in attendance. I was showing sincere interest, not judging, mocking or just grabbing cool toys for my office. In essence, I was minding my own business.

Then out of the blue, a vendor representative that I didn't notice, makes a comment about my badge around my neck and the "blogger" tagged attached to it.

"Blogger?" he harrumphs. "Everyone's a blogger."

With that, I look up to see a smile on his lips but not in his eyes. Realizing instantaneously this is possibly a slant, I look him in the eye and say, "Yeah. But I'm a prominent one," and keep on walking.




Thinking back on this, I realized two mistakes were made.

1) I should have made note of the vendor and this guy's name. Then I could have made a point of telling everyone within this sphere of influence, if you want a total stranger to make snide comments to you as opposed to trying to sell you something, head on down to booth # __.

2) Because of his sarcastic quip, I kept on walking. I didn't bother to find out why this vendor was there. They could have been handing out free cupcakes or three wishes from a genie. But my apathy level rose too high to care or notice.

Certainly, the comment coming from someone I knew would have been different.

Therein lies the problem. I didn't know him. He didn't know me. The context of the relationship is salesperson/possible customer. Instead, the context devolved to smart-ass/stranger. Despite the context of an Expo Hall which would reason he was salesperson, and his comment was an attempt at humor and attention, I still reasoned he was smart-ass. Outside of the smile on his lips, nothing indicated he was funny or friendly. He made no salutation or introduction. He was not gracious or courteous. He made no effort to backtrack or readjust his pithiness. Within this context, I missed the point of his approach.

This is common for me anymore. Sharp, cutting comments wrapped inside of a smile, a backslap or hug are the lowest form of flattery. They are contradictions. They have the appearance of masked anger. They confuse me.

Kidding, jesting or practical jokes among people we know can create a sense of belonging when the joke is out in the open. Sarcasm in its nastiest form hides the joke and breaks down relatedness.

Case in point, in my personal life, I recently ended a "friendship" because more often than not, the conversation was peppered with his constant sarcasm about me. I had no idea what this person was even talking about anymore, or why I was listening.

Admittingly, I was not always the proper non-sarcastic gentleman. Sometimes I would be sarcastic with people I knew. Honestly, it was rude and one day someone I worked with called me on it. Bluntly, he said, "I don't get sarcasm. It's confusing and I don't like working with people who are sarcastic. I encourage my staff not to be sarcastic because we're here to get a job done and sarcasm is a hindrance to communication and completing work." 

I had to agree and have made a point of straight-forwardness since. 

It comes down to the old adage: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."
It's also a matter of: "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." If you don't, no one truly knows what you're saying. If you're in HR, or in a field where influence is a key component, and no one knows what you're saying, you should consider a different line of work.

Perhaps though, maybe eliminating sarcasm is not an option for you. Still, you could at least smile like you mean it.

Read more